Why I Don't Gamble

Last night, I had made eight not-so-serious predictions prior to the Super Bowl on Twitter. After, I jokingly tweeted: "Only two of my eight predictions for the #SuperBowl were correct. #fessingup #whyidontbet". An old friend responded via private message asking why it is that I don't gamble. I thought I'd share some of what I responded:

First of all, as with most things these days, I claim the spirit of Romans 14 in this. You asked my thoughts, so if you hear any legalism or forced piety directed at you within my response, check your filter. In other words, my conclusion on this is a non-essential and I'd be happy to sit at the table of Communion with someone despite our disagreement on this (and an ever-increasing list of other things).

There have been very brief times in my life when I've toyed with the notion of gambling. I've had some success with Blackjack and variant forms of online Poker. I believe that with patience and the proper amount of time spent, I could be a decent gambler and bring in more money than I'd lose. I can imagine myself being able to do that and while it may sound cocky, I generally believe it to be true.

But in the end, I see gambling as just another form of taking other people's money. 

I'm less concerned about becoming addicted myself (I do believe that is a possibility for anyone, though not a certainty for everyone). I'm more concerned that if I did indeed win, I'd simply be profiting from the impulsivity and addiction of others. That doesn't jive with my understanding of Christ. Even (and especially) when I win, I'm just contributing to the system. Put differently, gambling is just another way to confess my faith in power, specifically, the power of money (but also "winning" and "thrill"). That's something I'm trying to avoid as I try and understand the self-emptying of Christ.

Most people waste money in one form or another, and I am no exception. Sometimes I take my kids on the carousel. It costs $2.50 or so. I'm basically paying for the brief thrilling experience and - if I'm lucky - a small memory, because the money and the moment are both gone almost as quickly as a round of Blackjack. I could see how some say the same of gambling - they enjoy the thrill. I can understand that. But the overall picture I describe in the previous paragraph is enough for me to avoid this as a whole.

After the Yellow Ribbon

"In any war, at least one side loses; in some wars, no side wins." - John Howard Yoder

Back in November, I flew down to North Carolina for a very short conference called "After the Yellow Ribbon" put on by the students of Duke Divinity School on their campus. It was my first time at Duke: impressive all around, as expected. Quite a stately campus. I've been on my share of campuses, but I'm not sure that I've been more in awe than at Duke. Of course, the fact that my favorite theologian (Hauerwas) walks those halls might have been a factor (though not for long, this is his last semester, I'm told). And there was indeed a Duke men's basketball game that weekend, making for a crazy campus. Anyway, the conference was bringing together three parties: the Church, the Academy, and the Military to talk about our response to soldiers who have come home from war. Some of my notes and reflections are below.

Overall, I was greatly challenged by the conference, as I knew I would be. I'm not really sure how to be proactive in response. I don't know any recent veterans (in my area, at least). My path to and on nonviolence basically led me to understand that despite my contrarian feelings about the US's military actions, my responsibility as a follower of Christ is to be directed to those who are hurting and those who are ignored. Veterans often to fit both of those demographics.

I was a bit out of place - it was mostly Duke Divinity students (academics) and a few in the military. It only kindled the fire in me to be back in school, but this is to come. There might have been a few other pastors, but I didn't perceive that anyone else really flew in for it.

A lot of this is a sporadism of notes, but glean what you can.

----- Friday Evening: Lieut. Colonel Pete Kilner -----

Lt. Col. Kilner teaches at West Point.

"There are elements of heaven that are only in war." - This is related this to a "band of brothers"-type camaraderie/community. I've actually considered this in relation to the Church and koinonia and have a sermon series on the very back burner along these lines. Good relationship generally cannot be manufactured. Something happens to people when they sweat and bleed together. I've not experienced war, but I've known the sweat and tears of serving for a couple of weeks in an impoverished area. The people I was with and I have bonds that cannot be explained nor recreated.

I was made to consider the notion of selective conscientious objection. Generally, a conscientious objector must object to ALL war...not just the current one. (i.e.: "Would you fight in WWII?") I have had my paperwork to sign and file to my denomination for my conscientious objection sitting on my desk for over half a year. I'm not sure why I haven't sent it in yet. Part of me wonders that if a situation like WWII did come about, I might actually want to participate. Anyway, Lt. Col. and others at the conference talked about "selective conscientious objection." I forget Kilner's feelings about it, but others would lobby for it. And I think I would too.

[paraphrasing] The people are not doing their job in doing a good public debate concerning the just-ness of war.

One take-away was just the notion of creating some kind of a "Soldiers Anonymous" group in our community. I would need a leader(s) though, and it certainly can't be me. But we need to create safe places where veterans can come and talk of their experience together...or at least just be together.

----- Saturday morning, Exploring the Moral Landscape: Military, Theological, and Academic Intersections (Elyse Gustafson, Herman Keizer, Warren Kinghorn) -----

(Kinghorn) PTSD - not just anxiety, traumatic events in the past act determinatively in the course of life in the present; generally considered a medical condition/diagnosis, responded to with medicine and therapy; But Kinghorn, while acknowledging the reality of PTSD, believes it can be an oversimplification for those coming back from combat, as PTSD is a general "explanation". But unlike other physical diagnoses, PTSD is in and of itself the symptoms. (Other diagnoses come about because of symptoms, which point to the diagnosis.) He might consider PTSD as coming about due to the _moral_ effects of war. He notes the difference between recipient trauma and agentive trauma ("done unto" and "done to others"). His belief is that these are the majoritive causes for PTSD in combat-related PTSD.

"moral injury" - perpetrating or failing to prevent the occurrence of moral events. problem: moral injury can hardly be classified simply as a medical term. As such, the issues and thus, the responses, are as diverse as the number of soldiers coming home. Again: create spaces for personal narrative-sharing 

(Gustafson) First Liut. Gustafson's presentation was probably the most moving of the conference for me. She told us of her experience in receiving soldiers home as a chaplain.

One such: "Dan" - combat soldier, on going to Church: "I'm treated either as a hero or a monster. Neither is a person." She wrote a prayer for "Dan."

When she read it to him, he cried, and she describes the experience as "the closest she'd ever felt to God." To me, she is describing Matthew 25.

Reconciliation for the penitent: confession; examination of conscience - Yes, confession. Growing up, like so many other Protestant boys and girls, confession was this crazy-idea to control people invented by the Roman Catholic Church (Forgive me, please). And even still, I have to remember that confession is only sometimes about culpability. But confession and incarnational ministry is as of Christ - "Taking the sin of the world upon oneself." This sharing in the RESULT of sin is our ministry. Soldiers (like all those who have injuries) need spaces of confession. The complexity of issues, responses, etc. is astounding.

"It's true confession if it brings people into community."

(Keizer) Chaplain Col. Keizer spoke freely and from the heart, obviously from decades of experience. 

Reported that 52% of Veterans are reserves, meaning they do not go back to people that understand them. There apparently is a much different debriefing process for reservists. (parenthetical comment by me: so far, my respect for the military has increased and for politicians and citizens has decreased)

"Reflexive" versus "reflective" in making decision to kill.

Again: the opportunity of selective conscientious objection

"If we're no longer able to be critical of our country, then we are unable to be good citizens of our country."

Keizer spoke of two things I need to read: Matterhorn (novel on Vietnam) and his own article: "I'll be home for Christmas"

He encouraged us to use the psalms to help veterans speak and heal.

----- Seminar: Caring for Veterans After War (Chaplains Bill Cantrell & John Oliver) -----

Bill is a Navy Chaplain, working for the VA here in Durham

Trauma:
Often challenges the integrity of our body and our sense of ourselves
Challenges our beliefs about: life, death, meaning, our sense of mastery and potency in the world
Can challenge the very foundations upon which we build our lives
Affects our identity and identification

Moral Injury: Causes & Consequences
[persistent threats to assumptions of right & wrong]
Altered assumptions/changed humanity
Affects decision-making & behavior
Actings out, revenge, retribution

The Emotional Toll 
Fear, Anxiety, Stress (Guerilla warfare, civilian threat)
Guilt, Shame (killing, abusiveness, destruction)
Anger, Rage (Helplessness, betrayal/violation)
Sadness, Dysphoria (Loss, hopelessness, witnessing grave suffering) 

Spiritual Fitness Guide
Fit-->Stressed-->Depleted-->Drained

The journey home marks the beginning of an internal war for the [soldiers].

Spiritual Aids to Recovery 
Group exercises
Community Involvement
Spiritual Practices
Existential Topics
Forgiveness
Values for Living
Finding Meaning and Purpose
Ritual

George Washington, November 10, 1781: "The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional to how they perceive how the veterans of earlier wars were treated and appreciated by their nation." (parenthetical: I'm not sure if this is good or bad...)

John Oliver - Pastoral Care

6308 US fatalities
4017 wounded  (as of Wednesday of last week)
...in comparison...
Vietnam - over 60,000
WWII - hundreds of thousands

So we've kept the casualties down, but this means more wounded coming home. What are the implications of this?

Four Issues:
Life Threat (you could die)
Wear & Tear on Body/Spirit/Soul
Ongoing loss of friends and family
Inner conflict of moral dilemmas

Of those interviewed coming home:
92% knew of someone killed
81% attacked or ambushed
75% seen dead bodies

30% of combat soldiers have some kind of diagnosis
So this means that there are 70% who are "resilient" - they are strong people

As pastors, the language of "disorder" is difficult in what it does as a label or even as a self-fulfilling prophecy

There are three people types in regard to trauma:
Been through a trauma
Those who are going through a trauma
Those who will go through trauma

Pattern of Lament:
Life is good.
Life is disrupted.
...yet...
Trust. Hope.

We can see this in the progression of Psalm 22 - 23 - 24
Let this be a pattern of how we serve as pastor to people through trauma

The removal from the community of the "band of brothers" is so difficult.
Can we bring them "home" into the community of the Church?
...this will not be easy, particularly because of the facade of community in the Church.

Spiritual reactions to trauma:
Confusion about God
Discounting community
Alters one sense of meaning in life
Loss of previously sustained and sustaining beliefs (especially superficial ones)
Guilt
Anger
Self-blaming
Questions of theodicy
Questions of God's love ("God can't love me..." I'd rather die than bring this stuff home to my family)

Three stages of recovery:
1. Safety (people need to know that they are safe)
2. Remembrance & Mourning
3. Reconnection

Sometimes remembering is difficult not simply because they don't want to, but because they can't

----- Mapping the Moral Landscape Discovering Resources for Recovery with Stephen Xenakis, David Miller, Peter Bowen -----

(Miller) Should the first place soldiers return to be a rally or the confessional? Because when they return, they are returning from having done things that no human should ever have to do (Again...confession isn't always about culpability, but about the opportunity of releasing the effects of sin.)

I really appreciated Miller's talk. It again left me wondering if I might be a better fit in an anabaptist tradition.

 The Church needs to focus on nurturing the baptized in priority to speaking in the public square. 

Trauma results in a disconnection from others.

I love this quote: "May the next generation create no veterans." - David Miller

Penn State, Fathering, & the Nonviolence of Christ via Pastor Rudy Rasmus

Often when people get into a discussion of the nonviolent response of Christ, and thus, of his followers, the typical response is a presentation of the hypothetical question: "But what about if someone is hurting someone you love? What would you do then?"

As one convinced of Christ's peaceable living, and as one who loves my wife and four children dearly...this is a haunting question. (It's also a little bit of a ridiculous question, not because I can't imagine it happening, but because there is a certain insanity after a while when it comes to hypothetical questions. Life is not hypothetical.). I recently read a short book by John Hower Yoder, who many see as the go-to when it comes to Christian pacificism that seeks to begin to "answer" this question. It was a great read. But part of the insanity of this over-simplified question is that there is no over-simplified answer, at least not for the pacifist.

Today, I found a video thanks again to TWOTP.com from Pastor Rudy Rasmus. I've only heard of/from Rasmus a couple of times, but I perceive him to be a man of one message: love, and love at all costs. So I was intrigued as to what his response would be in light of the Penn State child sexual abuse situation. He responds not as a pastor, but as a father who follows Christ. I appreciate his honesty.

"Daddy, I would have hated to have lost twice."



Crossing Over To Love from The Work Of The People on Vimeo.

A Great Prayer

Your kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me;
Your Hallowed name, O may I bear with honor,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

Once every three months or so, I listen to this version of Gloria Gaither's song, I Then Shall Live. I'd probably otherwise assume that the Gaither Band is a "sweet-by-and-by---someday-we'll-get-to-heaven" kind of propagation...and I'd be wrong.

Pretty much the whole song is quotable ("I've been so loved that I'll risk loving too!"), but the third verse above is such a great prayer for your day and your life, here and now.

May it be so.

After the Yellow Ribbon, Pre-Conference

Why would someone who believes in the nonviolence of the cross of Christ decide to go to a conference based around our response to and support of American soldiers?

Today is Veteran's Day. I'm right now sitting at JFK Airport in New York City on a layover from Boston to Raleigh-Durham for a Conference at Duke University. There are yellow balloons everywhere, probably 500 or so just within 100 feet of me, in bunches and making a huge archway. There is a troop of Boy Scouts, probably 15-20 of them here, waiting for soldiers from the New York National Guard to come in from a flight. My Facebook feed is saturated with patriotic pictures, thanks made to veterans, and yellow ribbons. People are remembering veterans today. This is of mixed emotions for me.

A problem with holidays is that we tend to reserve the designated celebration or thankfulness for those holidays. But my mother is my mother 365 days a year and not just a day in May. And it's good to be thankful on days other than November 25th. And we would do well to resolve to do well in our lives other than on the first day of the year.

So I fear that I will forget veterans tomorrow and the day after. It's likely that most of the country will as well. 

I've twice now read the stat that veterans of the recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are committing suicide at the rate of 17 a day.

...seventeen a day...

I didn't even know that there were that many vets to go around. (I still kind of question the statistic.)

The ongoing effects of war and the results of fighting in war are so incomprehensible to me. I truly can ONLY imagine. Stanley Hauerwas calls us to consider the difficult transitions and situations that soldiers go to in the video below.

Hauerwas on moral fragmentation

And so I hate the wars. I hate that the most powerful nation in the world chose to fight them in the ways that she has. I hate the money that has gone into them. I hate that men and women from the United States have died by the thousands in them. I hate that hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and Afghans have died, many of whom were not soldiers. 

Selfishly, I hate most of all that Bobby Moscillo is dead today because of the war in Iraq. 

So in a few hours I will be sitting with a group of people listening to and responding to the topic of our response to the homecoming of soldiers. 

Why am I going?

Because the compassion of Christ to which I am called is for all. I'm no great futurist or sociologist, but I can imagine that there will be veterans whose lives have been drastically affected by these wars around us for decades to come. As a pastor in a small church, I expect that I will come across many of them in the coming years. Indeed, I already have.

There are a variety of ways that evil causes us to suffer. Veterans are suffering after returning home from the evils of war the likes of which I cannot imagine. Christ's call is for his followers to identify the suffering and suffer with them ("with suffering" = com - passion). 

That's why I'm going.